“Girl, GET UP!” “Bruh, if you don’t get up outta that bed
and get yourself together!” “Bruhhhhhhh!?!”
These are just a few things I caught myself yelling at the
screen during last Sunday’s episode of Insecure. As I watched Issa start and
end her days sulking about some man and I watched her entire character change
over the lack of response/communication from a guy who’d gotten her hopes up, I
realized that Issa was me. Well…Issa was publicizing the girl that I was last
year and the year before that and the year bef—you get the point.
For almost 4 years, I was that girl that waited on a text
from the man that I thought would be my husband; but, the funniest part is that
while I was waiting on a text back, I was also waiting on him to commit to me
as a boyfriend. Yeah, you read that right! I spent 4 years living in desperation
for a man that couldn’t even commit to a relationship with me. As I watched
Insecure, I was yelling at that girl because she found her worth in a man that
wasn’t capable of seeing my value. I was yelling at the girl who was willing to
settle for the bare minimum. My heart genuinely hurts for that girl that was
literally (like literally) begging someone to be with her. And why? All because
I wanted to be good enough for someone who was only meant to be temporary.
So, I’ve had 4 WHOLE years to come up with tips on how to
get you through the season of being “that girl” (or guy because men experience
heartbreak too) – we’ll call it, The Season of Insecurity (word to Issa Rae).
#1 – Don’t be consumed by what DIDN’T happen. I know you had
plans of marrying that person. I know you had names picked out for the children
you’d talked about; but, just because it didn’t happen with them, doesn’t mean
it’s not going to happen…it’s just not going to happen with that person. And
THAT’S OKAY!
#2 – Guard your heart
(Proverbs 4:23), but remain open to the relationships in your life that are
thriving right now. Do not allow the failure of this relationship/situationship
to make your heart hard. Work twice as hard to maintain your vulnerability as
you did in attempt to maintain a bare minimum situation. Do not cancel out love
altogether because one situation didn’t go as planned.
#3 – Being single is NOT a punishment. Being single is the
perfect time to figure out who you are and to become WHOLE. Don’t allow the
absence of a relationship to make you lose sight of what you’ve been called to
do. What will YOU bring to the table when God brings you your person?
#4 – Learn your love language(s). Think about the things
that should’ve been non-negotiables in your last relationship and define them
as ABSOLUTELY NOTs in the future. How do you need your next partner to love you
in order for you to feel appreciated? Take the Quiz!
#5 – GET UP, GIRL! Stop sitting around waiting for a phone
call that may never come (and if it does come, hit ignore). Remember that the
person God has for you will not need to be chased. Your love is worth more than
rubies and is worth the wait.
YOU ARE THE PRIZE. LOVE WILL FIND YOU; SO STOP SETTLING FOR THESE WACK NEGROS THAT AIN'T READY FOR ALL THE LOVE YOU HAVE TO GIVE! KNOW YASELF, KNOW YA WORTH! Mkaaay?
In the mean time, I'm here if you need me!
With Blessings & Imperfections,
Bre
