Practicing Positivity in Preparation for the Fall (and every other day)

 

I really hate to be the bearer of bad news...honestly I don't even want to say this out loud, but...*whispers* summer is almost over.

Though fall brings out some of the dopest style and the perfect-ish weather, unfortunately for some of us, fall is the start to what we know to be seasonal depression.

When we experience seasonal depression, it can be really challenging to 1) pinpoint why you are not feeling like yourself and 2) stay positive. Whether you're starting to not feel like yourself, or if you are just not the happiest that you could possibly be, here are a few tips on how to become happier and more positive every day:

Do not settle for “just good enough.”

When it comes to becoming happier and more positive each day it's important to make sure that you are not settling for just good enough. What do I mean by this? Let me give you a few examples and then we can discuss more:

1. Your job pays the bills, but it’s not your passion in life, or enjoyable in the slightest bit. It stresses you out, you work more than you should, and your co-workers are not exactly “easy” to get along with. It pays the bills, though, so you stick with it, even though you are not truly fulfilled, or you might even dread going into the office each day. Yall know that I quit my job this year to pursue full-time entrepreneurship, so I am a HUGE advocate for not staying in a job that is no longer serving you.

2. Your relationship has seen better days and you are really struggling with communication, but you are hesitant to go to counseling because it is really hard to admit that you actually need help. Going to counseling could make things much better, but since things are still “not terrible” now, you hold off.

3. A painter comes to paint the exterior of your home. You pay over $5,000 for the project, but when they leave, you notice that they missed quite a few spots on the very bottom, close to the foundation. Since it is only slightly noticeable to you and probably not to others, you just shrug it off.

These are a few good examples of how you could be settling. I could go on and on, but you get the point. Settling for something less than you deserve is not helping you at all. Instead, it is hurting you significantly, and more than likely, it is weighing down on your shoulders, affecting your mental (and maybe) physical health, as well. Stop settling for “just good enough” and really go for every single thing you deserve in life.

Look for the good in each situation.

I get it - it’s really hard to look for the good in every single situation, especially when you are having a bad day, but sometimes, to become more happy and positive, all you need to do is switch up your mindset. It’s very easy to pick out the bad things that happen to you. You burned your toast this morning, spilled your water at work, or a friend cancelled your dinner plans at the very last minute. However, if you change how you view these situations, you could choose to see the positives. Now that your toast is burned, you get to stop by your favorite breakfast spot. You spilled your water? It is only water! Now you get a fresh, cold glass. A friend cancelled dinner on you? Take the night to yourself and watch your favorite movie with a bowl of popcorn! Even when a situation is really tough, or if the weight of the world seems to be resting on your shoulders, there is a way to find a positive outlook on things.

Make a change - for the better.

When you are feeling unhappy and unsatisfied with your life, sometimes all you need is a change. This could be something as simple as removing toxic relationships from your life, leaving a dead end job, cutting your hair - or it could be something bigger such as getting rid of any furniture that brings up bad memories, or even moving to a new home, city, or country! Whether you are getting rid of furniture or actually moving, you’ll probably want help with the job, right?!

If you are local to NC, check out College Dudes Help U Move. They do furniture moving in Charlotte, residential moves in Charlotte, commercial moves, packing, storage, hot tub moving, safe moving, and SO much more. They are fully licensed and insured, so you can rest easy, knowing that your items are in good care. They say, “We are a team of Locally educated, hard working movers that truly understand the passion and commitment it takes to execute a move of any size at any given time to meet our customers needs and expectations. With a laser focus on Customer Service, Safety, and Technology we bring the most competitive pricing and reliable moving solutions to our community.”

Treat your body as a temple, but enjoy life too.

Last but not least, treat your body as a temple, but enjoy life too. Your physical health affects your mental health and vice-versa. Exercise when you can, eat food that is good to you, and try to remove unnecessary toxins from your life. As you begin your health journey, if you have not already started, keep in mind that life is meant to be enjoyed. Don’t get so wrapped up in living a “clean” and healthy life that you forget to LIVE.

Know that you are good enough!

No matter how you choose to define happiness, short-term or long-term, comparison will rob you of it. You are more than good enough. You do not need to compare yourself to your friends or those you follow on social media! Be grateful for what you have, appreciate who you are, work hard every day to live YOUR best life, and stop comparing yourself to others. Remember this always: you are MORE than good enough, and you are deserving of every good and perfect thing that God has for you.

Frolicking: Asheville Travel Guide

 

    SUMMA, SUMMA SUMMATIME! Oh summer, how I've missed thee. This past weekend, I took my first summer trip with my girls - we roadtripped to Asheville, NC. Whether you are going on a baecation or planning a fun weekend with friends, I'm so excited to give you some suggestions to help you plan your Asheville Adventure.

HOTEL ACCOMODATIONS:

AC Hotel Asheville Downtown |  This hotel was locating in the PERFECT spot. We were able to walk to 90% of the places in this travel guide in less than 10 minutes! There's a restaurant/bar on the rooftop that I would definitely suggest you visit (especially for the view of Asheville from Capella on 9).

FOOD RECOMMENDATIONS:

Curate| If you love tapas like we do, you DEFINITELY have to go to Curate while you're in Asheville! MAKE A RESERVATION because they are an Asheville fave and the chances of getting in without one are slim. Please get the Gambas al Ajillo, Albondigas and the Patatas Bravas!

Mountain Madre | The margarita and tequila flights here?! LISTEN. Not to mention their queso was amazing and the enchiladas were mouth watering!

Biscuit Head | You wanna talk about range? The way they have reWERKED the biscuit game...whew! My suggestion is to call in your order for takeout and find a cute spot outdoors or go back to your hotel to enjoy because they're always packed out the door.

Isa's French Bistro | Okay, so the food here isn't GREAT; but they have mimosa flights....'nuff said.

Crave Dessert Bar | This place is a viiiiibe! They have drinks, hookah AND food. The outdoor patio is super cute at night!

DRANKS:

Wicked Weed Brewing Pub | Another vibe! It gives very much "beer garden" vibes. It's mostly outdoor and the playlist was hittin' as we enjoyed beer flights and some bomb wings!

Imperial | We went back here TWICE. The drinks were heavy and the quesabirria tacos, yall???? Listen. If you go, ask for Terrell - he was such a great server! 

EXPLORE:

Catawba Falls | If you plan to do something active during your trip, this trail is beautiful. It gets a bit challenging, but the view makes up for it!

Self Care Is An Act of Freedom

 

I recently experienced what I have started calling "Freedom Day." Freedom Day has now replaced a traditional self-care day for me. I'm not even sure if I will be able to capture the joy from that day in this post, but I definitely want to try so that you can plan your own!

I use the word "plan" loosely, because for some reason, I wasn't able to create an "itinerary" for this day. And y'all know me, lol - if I don't do anything else, ima have a plan! I just couldn't do it. I knew I was going to be checking into Aloft Durham Downtown and I knew that I was going to get a massage, but no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't decide what else I wanted to do for this day.

 Here's what I learned in my inability to create a plan:

What I learned is that I am allowed to be free from the burden and pressures of structure. I don't have to be anxious in the absence of a plan. I can [and am allowed to] have joyful experiences - I can choose to explore rather than stick to an itinerary.

So! In the absence of a plan, here are some of the things I did and places I explored:
- Put my phone on DND and turned off all of my social notifications (they're still off).
- Received a 90 minute massage from Susan at Bull City Massage Therapy. Those 90 minutes felt much more like five, but my body needed every second!
- Checked into Aloft Durham Downtown! Yall. They gave me the BEST room with the BEST views of Downtown Durham. The sweet staff (special shoutout to Chelsea, Wesley and Ronnie!) made sure that I was taken care of - from the perfect room, to the strongest drinks and a late check-out time for extra relaxation time...I literally can't wait to go back! If you're planning your own freedom day, Aloft is a 10/10 recommendation.

- Took pictures of the most random and beautiful things so that I could look back and feel the peace from this incredible day!
- Had lunch at Dames, got my favorite salted butter caramel icecream from The Parlour and danced in the park as if no one was watching.
It was a beautiful day and you deserve to have that type of day too! You deserve a freedom day. I want you to be free from the pressure of "planning" for this day, so here are 3 tips to have the experience you deserve:

1. Allow yourself to wander. Even if you create a plan for the day, don't be married to it. Give yourself the space to explore where you are.
2. Disconnect. Turn off your social notifications, put your phone on DND, etc. Let this day be just for YOU. Don't feel obligated to answer phone calls or text back - everyone/thing will be okay. 
3. Walk around. Park your car and walk everywhere! Eliminate the barrier between you and the beauty around you - be willing to take it in and capture it (whether through an actual picture or a mental photo).

The way I view self-care has changed as a result of experiencing this day. I now know that self-care is an act of freedom. It's almost other-worldly. It's radical. It's selfish and it ought to be.

Go enjoy your self. 

Creating a Space That Brings You Joy (No Matter the Season)

If anyone is wondering, we absolutely JUST took our Christmas decor down and honestlyyyy, I'm sad about it. 300 something days until they're back up..but who's counting (definitely me)? 

Obviously Christmas decor makes me happy; but whether it's holiday decorations, or everyday home decor, it's important to create a space that brings you joy no matter what season it is...especially now that living and working from home have become our norm. These are the walls you have to look at everyday, the bedroom you have to find peace in and the living room where you will binge watch your favorite show for the thousandth time, so you should love it! We may not be able to control the chaos that's going on in the world, but we can definitely control our home and the way it makes us feel.

Some questions to ask yourself: How does your current space make you feel? When you walk in, do you immediately experience peace? Do the rooms in your home make you feel inspired and creative? Do you feel more or less stressed when you spend time in your home? On your worst days, is there an item in your home that can instantly bring you joy?

Here are some tips for creating a space that will help you endure your toughest days and find the joy in your best ones:

1. Create designated areas for each part of your day. A joyful space isn't just about the decorations, it's also about the intention of the space. For example, if possible, separate the place you rest from the place you work. Try to avoid doing work from bed -- if you have a desk or dining room table, use it! If not, purchase a lap desk and create a WFH nook in your room or living room.

2. Invite color into your space! Color plays a really important role in how you feel while in your space. Red is a great accent color, but too much of it can radiate anger. Colors like yellow, orange and green encourage happiness and fresh energy. This is especially important for those of us who live with seasonal depression -- there may not be much color outside during certain seasons, so bring your favorite season into your home!

3. Declutter, clean and organize your space! Yall, I knooooow we get comfortable with the organized chaos of our homes; but there is something so peace inducing about a clean space. Pick one day each week to clean up your spaces and sit and feel the difference!

4. Find scents that embody the way you want to feel in your home. A joyful space engages every single one of our senses! It's something about burning my favorite candles while I'm cleaning, or working, or relaxing that makes me feel like I'm doing something right! If you want scents that last beyond the candle, buy some plug-ins and place them at the entrance of your space, the living room, the kitchen, your bedroom and bathroom - pick scents that match the emotional feeling of each room.

Let your home be your safe space and be intentional about creating that safety in a joyful way!

  

Dating Yourself in Your Single Season: 3 Date Night Ideas for Singles

 

Hey you! Hey hey...nah, we're not about to be bitter this Valentine's Day. We're not gonna be sad. You're gonna show love to your beautiful, single self and you're gonna like it...GOT IT?!

In case you were wondering, I was definitely talking to myself! I have been single for what seems like foreverrrrrrrrrrrrrr and I'm not going to lie to you, a lot of times, I do not enjoy it at all. If I'm being honest, here lately I've had some feelings come up that I was so sure I'd dealt with. These feelings taunted me about the fact that I'm still single...these feelings tried to make me resent my friends who are receiving the love they deserve. These feelings told me that I will be single forever.

With some reframing, I acknowledged my feelings as lies that the enemy was using to convince me that I was not deserving of the love that I have always desired. I won't always be single; but, I will be single until God has completed His work in me in the season I am currently in. Let me tell yall somethin' (insert Cardi B lip smack), I AM IN MY BAG this season, okay?! The opportunities and ideas and partnerships and everything else that have been provided to me during this time have been more than I ever even fixed my mouth to ask for -- so yeah, I am willing to wait until the time is right and I am ready.

With that being said, that doesn't mean that I can't have fun dating myself in the meantime! Think about the intention behind dating, right? The purpose of dating is to get to know another person; what they like/dislike, their personality, their goals and values. So why wouldn't I want to learn all of these things about myself before consuming myself with that of another person? 

What I have learned in this season is the importance of enjoying ME. I am being intentional about spending time learning about myself and loving everything I discover. Imagine loving yourself on a deeper, less judgmental and more grace-giving way...yeah, I love it here! 

Enough about me, here are 3 date night ideas for you as you learn to enjoy your single season:

1. Go on a staycation and explore your city!

 For me personally, I know there are sooo many places in Durham (and Raleigh) that I have yet to visit and enjoy. Book a 'telly (a hotel room) for yourself and create your own weekend itinerary! Try new restaurants, visit museums, discover all of the murals downtown...be touristy and intentionally explore the place you call home.

  

2. Book a spa day!

That facial you've been wanting to get? That massage you desperately need? That pedicure you've been putting off? Yeah, all'at - YOU DESERVE. You don't have to or need to wait on a partner to pamper yourself, friend. 

3. Plan a solo dinner and a movie!

So obviously we're still in the middle of a parfait, so this will take some creativity. Look up a recipe you've been wanting to try, find a new movie (or your favorite movie you've seen fifty'leven times) on Netflix or HBOMax (this is where alot of the movies that would be going to theaters are being shown). Then get dressed up, pour a glass of wine or a cocktail, set your dining room table for 1 and enjoy yourself!

These are just a few ideas! The point is that I want you to love on yourself the way you'd want a partner to on Valentine's Day -- cause your love is quality, so show yaself some...or a lot!

 

PITCH Better Have My Money: 4 Tips for Pitching to Brands

I have had several people reach out to me about how to pitch to brands -- SOOOOO, I wanted to provide you all with tips on pitching and getting well-deserved coins! 

AND THAT'S ON MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB. 

In this post, I am going to give you FOUR basic tips for pitching to brands! These tips have helped me get comfortable enough with pitching that I am able to give them to yall, so I hope they help. 

After you get all of the pitching tea, make sure you download and save my free pitch template!

TIP #1: Create a Media Kit and Keep It Updated

If you don't know what a media kit is, it is basically your digital business card! Your media kit should be a representation of you and your brand so that the brands you're pitching to can get an idea of who you are. Your media kit can be created for free on Canva and should include a bio, social media statistics/analytics, your audience demographics and of course, your blog/website. Here's a detailed post on creating your media kit.

Once you've created your media kit, be sure to keep it updated! Before you send it to brands, make sure all of the information is as up to date as possible. 

You should be attaching your media kit to every pitch email you send out -- I suggest sending it as a LINK when you are emailing brands for the first time (this is because your email may go to spam if you attach the media kit to your email and the file size is too big). **DO NOT ATTACH YOUR RATES IN YOUR INITIAL EMAIL.

TIP #2: Introduce Yourself and Your Brand

A BIG mistake that folks make when pitching to brands is jumping straight into business. Don't be rude! Introduce yourself! While your email should be as concise as possible, it shouldn't bypass basic email etiquette. It doesn't have to be your entire bio (because if you applied TIP #1, your elaborated bio is in your media kit), but it should grab the brand's attention. Here's the way I typically introduce myself when I pitch:

 

 See, quick and simple! I pulled this from my brand mission statement so it's consistent with what brands will see when they open my media kit and when they visit my website, and even when they visit my socials.

TIP #3: Make the Brand Blush

Okay..so maybe they won't literally blush, but you can still put the effort in! Show the brand that you're not just after their money -- show them that their mission and values align with your's (THIS IS SO IMPORTANT). 

When pitching, you want to make the brand feel like you've done AT LEAST the bare minimum research on their company and you're not just trying to get money from them (even though we want the coins also). So after introducing yourself and your own brand, tailor your email and make it personal to the brand you are seeking to collaborate with. That personal touch goes a LONG way. Here's an example:

Use key words that the brand uses often, tell them what you love about their brand, etc.

BONUS TIP: Look on the brand's website and IG for PR/MEDIA/INFLUENCER contact info. If you aren't sure whether or not you have the right contact information, try sending the brand a DM first. An IG pitch can go something like this:

Good afternoon!

I am a micro-influencer in the Raleigh/Durham area and I'd be thrilled to create social media content and/or blog posts for [brand name].

Could you please direct me to who I can send my pitch + media kit to?

TIP #4: PITCH PLEASE!

This is the fun(ish) part! Now is the time for you to give them an idea of what type of content they could expect from you and in what form the content will be delivered if they choose to partner with you. BE CREATIVE. Take ideas from how you already use the brand/products and create content that will draw other people to the brand.

A tip is to curate your pitch ideas around the season/upcoming holidays, or campaigns they have been promoting on their website and/or socials. Your pitch doesn't have to be SUPER detailed, but it needs to give the brand an idea of what you're going to create! The WAY you pitch may be different based on the industry you're in and the brand you're pitching to. Here is the format I've adapted: 

Okay, yall. That's all I got for now.

GET YA PITCH ON AND GET THE COINS! I'm here to help if you need me!

OH. And here's a FREE pitch template...(: